Last Night in Iowa
by kirsty2765
Summary: Anyone want to know what happened after Angela left the office in Idaho? Ähhh, Iowa?
Disclaimer: I'm not the owner of the characters of WTB, nothing belongs to me

Last Night in Iowa

I'm trembling and my whole body is shaking as I run from the building, leaving Tony alone in his office at Wells. Tears are running all over my face and I'm sobbing heavily. Did I really say all those words? That I had discovered something about myself? That I missed the deadlines and needed the pressure? That I didn't want to disappoint him? And worse, that I had started to resent being in Iowa? The pain in his eyes had surprised me. I thought, his job at Wells College made him more happy than anything in the world, but he didn't hold me back when I left the office, crying.

I'm going through the park which belongs to the surroundings of Wells and sit down on a bench. I told Tony the truth. I'm no longer happy in Idaho, no, it's Iowa. I've lost the place where I belong. I simply don't belong in a bowling alley, l don't even belong in the kitchen, whether in shoes or barefoot. My life is New York, my agency and … Tony? Seems, I can't have everything. I surprised myself with how fast I made the decision to go back to Fairfield. I had waited so long to live with Tony. Not even a year has gone and I'm sick. Not of him, not in a lifetime could I become sick of him. He is the love of my life and I'm his. That's what he told me almost every day during our life in boring Bradford. I'm sick of this life in Iowa. I didn't even get used to the name of the state. Every time I say Idaho instead of Iowa Tony's eyes seemed to question me. Was he foreboding something then? Tony is doing what he is meant to do. I would regret it for my entire life if I forced him to go back to Connecticut.

I rise from the bench and walk slowly through the park back to our apartment. It's not far; almost every place can be reached in a few minutes by foot.I need to help mother and the children with the preparations for the victory celebration. I won't tell them anything yet. It's Tony's biggest day here in Bradford today. I have already ruined a part of it.

When I come back to our apartment which isn't "our" any longer, mother and the kids are in hectic action. They are decorating the living room with Wells Colors and had already cooled the beer in the fridge. Since Bradford is a kind of one-horse-town for me and Tony, he is okay with serving beer to people who visit us. If the guys had too much of it, they leave their cars in our street and usually weave home by foot. The family asked me where Tony was and I had no answer. I just said I have to change clothes since I'm still in shorts and that oversized yellow sweater. I grabbed jeans and a shirt out of my wardrobe, but then put them back. An act of defiance had overcome me. When was the last time in I wore a dress? A skirt? High heels? A business suit? Or even a blouse? Far behind in the wardrobe I found a short light blue skirt and a fitted beige blouse. I know I will feel overdressed later, even in those smart but casual clothes. For my way back home I don't need to pack many things. The stuff I usually wear in Fairfield is still there. Unsystematically, I throw some things in a bag. Packing bags and suitcases is normally Tony's responsibility. Guess I need to get used to taking care of that on my own.

After locking the bathroom door, I lean against it and take a deep breath. I'm upset and my heart beats rapidly in my chest. Slowly I take off my clothes and put them in the hamper. I open that juvenile ponytail and feel years older than in the morning when everything was fine. I step into the shower and hot water rinses down on me. Fine? I almost laughed loudly. When was the last time in Ida… Iowa I felt fine? Tears are running over my cheeks and mix with the water. I'm still laughing and feel close to hysterics. That has to stop. I turn on the cold water and it falls down on me. I'm shocked for a moment and my hyperventilated breath stops suddenly. I inhale the damp of the shower and I feel better. I just need to survive the after party of Tony's team and maybe we can talk again.

When I leave the bathroom the first guests have arrived. My mother paces through the living room, a plate with appetizers in each hand. Sam serves cola and beer and even Jonathan seems to enjoy talking to an almost 2 meter athlete who looks down on him like he was Goliath and Jonathan David. My good looking son in law Hank was hijacked by some pretty blondes, one on each arm, but I know he has eyes only for Sam. My smile feels like it's cemented on my face. Happy people everywhere. Tony is nowhere to be seen, but I can hear his voice in the hallway. He is talking to some members of the winning team and is discussing every play and every move of the game. He is obviously in his element and I feel I have made the right decision. He needs to be here and I need to be in Fairfield. I mingle with the guests and try to be nice, friendly and attentive to everyone. From time to time I catch my mother's glance. I don't need to talk to her. She just knows, like always.

The more beer Sam serves the louder the party gets. The boys are in an exuberant mood, but when two of them started to drag Sam to a date, Tony ends the party slowly. He compliments the team out of the door and collapses on the coach.

My mother and the kids see the possibility to flee and leave me behind with all the dishes, dirty plates and glasses.

I think her antennas are signaling me that I shouldn't mess up the greatest thing I have in my life beside Jonathan. My relationship with Tony. I pretend not to notice her warning glances and shove them all out of the door with a smile. We say good bye, but at this moment they don't know that I'll be on the same plane tomorrow.

I close the door and turn around to Tony who has begun to tidy up. Of course he does. I gather a few glasses and bring them into the kitchen. Tony is loading the dish washer and is distinctly avoiding my presence. I don't know how to start a clarifying conversation and keep on standing there, glasses in my hands. He comes over, wordless, and takes them out of my hands. The clock shows almost 1am and I'm tired. Only a few hours and I'll be sitting in the plane, going back. Back to an unknown future without Tony.

I leave the kitchen and cross the living room. For a moment I consider sleeping on the couch, but I can't bring myself to lose my last night with Tony. I have to try to show him that I love him and my decision has nothing to do with my feelings for him. But I'm so anxious! What if he doesn't want me in his bed anymore?

I walk over to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Tony just comes in when I've finished and I dry my mouth with a towel. Our eyes meet in the mirror and I can see his mixed feelings. I step into the bed room and I don't know what to do with myself. I look out of the window and what I see even though it's dark outside depresses me. Meadows, bulls, cows and even a few sheep are bleating under the moonlight. I know I'm not fair, but I hate that noise. It serenaded me for months, but I still miss the big city noise. Not that there is so much noise in Fairfield. My need for a vibrant life is compensated by a daily drive to my office.

I hear Tony stepping behind me and my breath is shallow. I'm waiting for him to tell me that he is going to sleep on the couch but he doesn't. He puts his arms around me and his breath touches my ear. He turns me around and we look in each other's eyes. The shimmering moonlight throws a shadow on his face and with one hand he closes the curtain. I don't know his intention. Why is he doing that? He takes my hands in his and we kiss. Softly. Gingerly. He looks at me and unbuttons my blouse, one button after another then slips it over my shoulders. I don't know exactly what to do. In the beginning everything seemed so easy, now it's so difficult. There were times we couldn't get our clothes off fast enough, but today time is not important, not for him and not for me.

My hands slide under his shirt and his skin is warm and familiar. And yet so different. He opens my bra carefully and I pull the shirt off. His warm body embraces me. Sometimes we didn't even get undressed and he was already in me, still in our clothes. It seems so far away today, like a different life. His proximity makes me comfortable, like a warm blanket in winter. We don't talk, breathing quietly. His hands stroke my shoulders and make me shiver. His eyes are like deep lakes and he opens the zipper of my skirt. It falls over my hips. I open his belt and jeans. With my hands touching his skin I pull everything down. He helps me, his hands over mine and he steps out. I'm still standing there in a black slip and my high heels and he stops breathing for a second. I like to engender this reaction on him.

Slowly, I slip off my shoes. Without them I have to look up at him and suddenly the air is overloaded with electricity. Tony's hands slide over my hips and his thumbs shift beneath my small slip. Slowly he moves it down over my hips, my legs and to my feet. I kick my high heels away and we lay down on the bed, face to face. No quickie at the doorframe, not today and maybe never again? I can't think about the never at the moment. I stroke his strong arms, his hips and his manly scent make me crazy. His body is intimate to me, but suddenly no longer mine. For how long? Forever?

He turns me on my back, resting on his one elbow. His hand is stroking my breasts and our shared knowing about the finality of this togetherness speeds my pulse. I pull him closer to me and we kiss, slowly and tenderly. These kisses have taken us over the edge a lot of times before and today there is no difference. He grasps my hips and moans slightly. Everything in me is warm and cozy. He moves his body over mine and we look into each other's eyes. He doesn't need to touch me to know that I'm ready for him, he knows me so well. Slowly, he slides into me and I can't help myself and moan. Immediately we find a slow dreamy rhythm. We move carefully, aware of each other's proximity and the love we feel for each other. He takes my arms over my head and I can't take my eyes from him. We move faster now and I feel the sweat on our bodies. His hand slips under my back and he pulls me even closer.

Memories are overwhelming me. We kiss again and I feel that we are close. He smiles and closes his eyes for a moment. I try to hold myself back and not to fall into an intense orgasm. I don't want to give up the closeness I feel right at his moment. It's impossible to leave this relationship without feeling sorrow and pain. I can't even think about living without him. The grief I suddenly feel lets me press him more deeply in me and we can't hold back any longer. We come together, intense. Different feelings pour over me. Happiness, thankfulness for a wonderful time, grief and love. His eyes mirroring the same and we hold each other, unable to speak. We had sex lots of times, but we never made love like this. After minutes we move apart from each other and he lays back, his eyes closed. His hand takes mine and I feel him drifting away to sleep. I stroke his face, but he doesn't notice anymore.

The sleep will not come to me this night. I'm lying next to the man I feel deepest love for and I'm going to leave him. That holds me awake for hours. When the morning dawns I unlock our intertwined hands, careful not to wake him up. I sit up on the edge of the bed. The air in the bedroom is heated from the summer sun and our lovemaking.

I put my clothes on, grab the bag I packed yesterday and tiptoe to the door. I look at Tony for the last time, wanting to save that memory forever, and burn it in my brain. I know, when he wakes up later and finds the place empty he'll think the same. Memories are forever. We had so much love in our life that a lot of people will never have.

I smile while tears are running all over my face; then I leave the room noiselessly and shut the door behind me.

Good bye, my lover. Good bye, my friend. You have been the one for me.


End file.
